I STILL BELIEVE AS I GRIEVE

TL I STILL BELIEVE AS I GRIEVE (9)

 

Gideon said to God, “If You will save Israel by my hand as You have promised – look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as You said.” – Judges 6:36-37

WHEN YOU PUT DOWN A FLEECE

My parents were great people. Our family was law-abiding and church going. One day in the early 1980’s that all changed. There was a very evil split in our church and my parents decided to never darken the doors of another church. I was grown and out of the house by then, but the trauma was real nonetheless.

No one knows better than I that it’s not necessary to have your name on a church roll to have your name in the Lamb’s Book of Life. My parents had not attended church for several years when my dad got sick. When he died on November 3, 1988, I had some questions about where he was spending eternity. Of course I wanted to believe he was in heaven. I suppose I should have accepted on faith that he was there.

We received the call that my daddy had passed at 3:00am (those 3am calls are never good news!) When we got home from the hospital, I decided to stay overnight with my mama so she would not have to be alone. When mama finally got to sleep, I began to earnestly cry out to God. I let Him know – my faith was not enough – I needed a sign from Him.

The next morning I went to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee for us. As I turned to look at the anniversary clock I gave my folks for their 40th wedding anniversary, I noticed it had stopped running. That clock ran well for nearly ten years and I thought it was odd that it should stop now. I think my real thought was, “Oh great!”

I still get chills when I think about it. I looked at the time on the clock. It stopped at 3:00am.

I know many scholars think that throwing down a fleece is a complete lack of faith. I know better. Throwing down a fleece to gain reassurance from God is not the same as throwing it down to discern the Will of God, as Gideon did. I know that God knows what I need and when I need it. He knew my faith was weak at that time. He knew I needed a sign to reassure me that my daddy was safe with Him. I’m not the type of person who just goes around asking God for signs all the time. I know that we walk by faith and not by sight. But God knew I needed to know. I’ve never questioned since that day that my daddy is in heaven. Thank You, LORD! ❤

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