It’s too late for vanity. If I was 30, maybe, I’d say, “Hey, that’s not a good angle.” But there is no good angle now. – Clint Eastwood
I don’t have many enemies in life, but my one mortal enemy is my weight! In 1998 I was at my highest weight – 250 pounds!!! That is not good on a 5’2″ frame. The year we had a photo taken with our dog was my Waterloo. I hit the proverbial brick wall – and something had to give. I did not want that something to be my health and well-being.
Emotional eaters are very sneaky. We are unhappy and find our solace in food. Not just any food, mind you – but junk food. The more junkie, the better! Candy bars and regular soda and ice cream and chips and… well, you get the idea.
My self-esteem was non-existent. I wore my hair very short and very styled in an unattractive way. Who does that on purpose? I don’t know, but I did. Back then I definitely had an eating disorder – I ate everything in sight. If it stood still long enough, it was mine!
I don’t know why I lacked the ability to control my eating back then. All I know is that I was working a job I absolutely hated, I was not in a good place particularly with my health (I had a very bad case of deniabetes at that time). I’d love to tell you that it was my diabetes that drove me to lose the weight, but it wasn’t. It was vanity. There’s no way I was going to look like that for one more day! OK, now I try to stay healthy for health’s sake, but the first driving force was looks.
It has been a long and difficult road to travel, but those are the trips that teach us the most. If there is an easy fix, we don’t seem to appreciate the victory as much, do we? I assure you, I relish this victory and do not take it for granted. Today we celebrate BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!!!!!!!!! Today I celebrate beauty – in myself and in others. Here are the lessons I learned:
- God does not make junk. Not you, not me, not anybody. If God sees me as a special person, then who am I to take that person and try to destroy her – stuff her with food?
- I’ll never be a super model. I will never be six-foot tall. I will never have legs that extend into another zip code. My thighs will always be very close friends – they will continue to meet often when I walk.
- I have to save my health above all else. Let the rest of this stuff care for itself. Be positive about the weight loss from a health standpoint.
- The words “comfort” and “food” are no longer used in the same sentence by me. If I begin to think of food as something that brings comfort – then I have given food more power than it deserves to have in my life. Food no longer has any power over me. Comfort comes from someone I love, not a Twinkie.
- I am worth saving. I’m special to my Creator. I know this because He says so. He made me on purpose – and I choose this day to live the life He wants me to live and be happy in this body and put a smile on my face and embrace each new day as it happens!
- I will not wallow in my past and I will not fret about my uncertain future. I will live in this present moment. This moment is a “present”. Drink it in!
- There are better ways to cope with boredom than eating. I finally know when I’m truly hungry – Eureka! When I’m upset by something or bored with something, I find a more constructive way to manage it, such as exercise or music. This one lesson has made my health very happy!
One last thing: It sure feels good to wear blue jeans again! Today is BEAUTIFUL DAY!!! I’m getting there… I’m getting there. ❤