HOLY HUMOR MONTH

We need to realize that, above everything, we Christians have the greatest reason to be joyful.  – Dr. Karl R. Kraft

Yee-Haw!  April is Holy Humor Month!!!  In case you think that Christians get baptized in lemon juice and are instantly left with no sense of humor…  I’m here to say yeah, we know how to laugh.  We’re more picky about what we think is funny, but we definitely know how to laugh!

These are from Lucinda Berry Hill:

Neal’s Story (May 7, 1979)

One night when I was putting my little brother to bed, I stood by and quietly listened while he was saying his bedtime prayers.  He said the regular prayer of “Now I lay me down to sleep…God bless Mommy and Daddy…”  Then he added, “Thank you for this day Jesus, and thank you for the mirror.”

I patiently waited until he completed his prayers, then curiously asked, “Neal, why did you say,  ‘Thank you for the mirror’?”

“Well,” he said with great sincerity, “when I look in the mirror I see me!”

Probably my most favorite joke is:

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice Belt!

Oh I laugh every time I think about it.  Especially because it was told to me by my 8 year old nephew and I didn’t get it at first.  Once I did I couldn’t stop laughing.

I was at a funeral for a dear old friend.  I took my 8 year old daughter with me because she was her friend too.  During the service I handed her a piece of paper and a pencil.  She soon handed it back to me with a note, “I’m not bored.”

A little boy was going home from his great grandmother’s funeral.  “Mommy,” he said, “If Heaven is up in the sky, why did they put grandma great in the ground?”
“Well,” his mother said, “they bury people in the ground but their spirit goes up to Heaven.”

He accepted that  answer very well.  A few minutes later he said, “I made a decision,” he spoke sincerely.  “When I die, my spirit’s not going anywhere without my bones.!”

We love Lucinda’s poetry, but this back story is too cute!

Reaching in a pan for a brownie, my hand came back empty.  Since there was only two of us in the house I complained to my 4 year old, ” Charlotte, you ate the last brownie!”  And she exclaimed, “But mommy they’re too much good!”  And so a poem was born and it became Week 18 of devotional “Coffee with Jesus.” 

This looks like something I would have turned in back in school:

Did you know there were rules on Noah’s Ark???  Neither did I – let’s take a look:

INSTRUCTIONS ON THE ARK

– Alligators….stop nibbling on fellow passengers.
– Flies….quit pestering the horses.
– Elephants…..shovel up your own mess, it blocks the hallways.
– Pigeons….the lions are not statues.
– Mosquitoes and bats….quit biting the other passengers.
– Myna birds….stop repeating everything you hear.
– Cows….fly swatting is prohibited.
– Lightning bugs….remember lights out at 9 PM.
– Pigs…..clean up your room.
– Raccoons….stop your midnight raids.
– Hyenas….stop laughing at the other passengers.
– Lions….quit stalking everyone.
– Vultures….stop hovering.
– Bugs….stay out of the pantry.
– Snakes….pick up your own skins and throw them away.
– Ants….bring your own picnic lunch next time.
– Hoofed animals….please tiptoe after midnight.
– Camels….no spitting at the other passengers.
– Squirrels….quit hiding nuts in the bathtub drains.
– Night Owls….keep your hooting down, it keeps the Morning Doves awake.
– Turtles….your dinners are getting cold, start for the dining hall earlier.
– All passengers…. be careful what you say around the parrots if you don’t want it repeated.

Signed,
Noah

And what of Rex???  Did he miss the boat?  Awe…  no room!

Let me guess…  the snails were the last ones to board – well, technically, Noah was, but…

True story.  My husband was on patrol one day and clocked a speeder.  He stopped the young man and asked if he knew how fast he was going.  The quick-thinking gentleman said, “Officer, you’re not going to believe this, but I hit a skunk a few miles back and I’m trying to outrun the smell.”  He got off with a warning and my husband had a great story that he told time and again.  I don’t recommend using this story – it doesn’t always work.  LOL!

If you must speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:

5 mph over the limit: “God Will Take Care of Me”

10 mph over: “Guide me, O Great Jehovah”

15 mph over: “Nearer My God to Thee”

20 mph over: “Nearer Still Nearer”

25 mph over: “This World is Not My Home”

30 mph over: “Lord, I’m Coming Home”

35 mph over: “Precious Memories”

Um…  yeah.

I’m not Catholic, but as I was looking through posts on Pinterest, I spotted some outright funny stuff that even a Protestant can understand…This is my favorite – we should ALL be the one who makes others feel special…  sweet!

OH…  surely not.  Is there an initiation ceremony???

The longer I live, the more convinced I am that making a joyful noise unto the LORD is less about singing and more about laughter!  I believe God inhabits the praises of His people, but He inclines His ear to our laughter and laughs with us!  Have a wonderful joy-filled day!  🙂

 

 

 

 

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A COMENTARY FROM THE HEART

There are times in life when everything seems to be going wrong.  We don’t lose our faith to be sure, but it just seems as though nothing is going in the right direction.  When we go through the rough patches in life, it’s a good idea to try to find some humor along the way – I know it won’t make things better – but it helps!

Today’s post is dedicated to the humor we need.  I found some pretty cute jokes that I hope help you over the speed bumps of life.  I’m driving over a few of them myself right now – so I need a little funny bone therapy too!  😉

A minister had a horse for sale. A man came to see about buying him . The horse seemed perfect and the price was right. But the minister said “There are two things to remember. He only goes to PRAISE THE LORD and only stops to AMEN. ” The man starts trotting and then cantering the horse but he realized they were headed to the cliffs. WHOA, STOP, STOP NOW but the horse sped up directly to the edge of the cliff. The man suddenly remembers and yells AMEN. The horse stops at the very edge and the man was thrilled and yelled PRAISE THE LORD.

How about the stubborn determination of a little girl in kindergarten?

A Sunday School teacher was walking around observing her kindergarten classroom of children while they were drawing pictures.  As she got to one girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”  The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

I love this joke about the atheist showing God how he can create.

An atheist scientist came to God and said, “We’ve figured out how to make a man without you.”

God said, “OK, let me see you do it.”

So the atheist bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful. But God stopped him and said, “Oh, no you don’t. Get your own dirt!”

I pray that God will use these jokes to make you smile and lift your spirits.  We all face challenges of all sorts in life but if we can find some humor along the way and believe that God will help us through, we know that it’s gonna be okay!  Wink!  😉

 

FAMILY HEALTH & FITNESS DAY

OK, I just gotta say, that Starrkeisha person is very brave to wear those blue pigtails. LOL! Such a weird little video – but so cute.

The weather is beginning to get a little colder, the nights come earlier and everyone is getting sweaters from the drawer. I’ve seen some pretty scary weather predictions already. They say we are in for record snowfall this winter. I wonder where summer went, to be honest. Oh well… along with the changes in temperature, we will inevitably begin to experience cold and flu season.

Of all the medicines available OTC, my favorite will always be good ol’ classic chicken soup! Nothing helps your tummy and opens clogged nasal passages better. I have a tried and true recipe from The Hungry Mama blog. http://thehungrymama.blogspot.com/

Classic Chicken Soup
Makes 4 servings

Ingredients:

1 Tbs. vegetable oil
1 medium carrot, diced
1 stalk celery, diced
1/2 onion, cut lengthwise through the root, peeled and trimmed
4 cups (32 oz. box) low-sodium chicken broth
1/2 tsp. salt
3 whole black peppercorns
1 bay leaf
1 cup shredded white or dark chicken meat

Directions:

1. Pour oil in large pot. Set over medium heat. Add carrot and celery; toss to coat. Place onion half in pot, cut side down. Saute until celery is translucent (about 3 minutes).

2. Add chicken broth, salt, peppercorns and bay leaf. Bring to a boil. Add shredded chicken, cover, and reduce heat to low. Simmer until vegetables are fork-tender (about 20 minutes).

3. Remove soup from heat. Carefully spoon out and discard onion, peppercorns, and bay leaf.

Serve to the one that is sick with love.

Nutritional information

161 calories
6 g. fat
1 g. sat. fat
15 g. protein
3 g. fiber
11 g. carb

Here’s a few jokes you can annoy that sick loved one with. I’m sure they will make everything better – wink! 😉

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“Nurse,” an anxious mother whimpers, “can you please tell me how my son is? He’s the one who swallowed the quarters.”

“No change yet,” the nurse replies.

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In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, “Only take one. God is watching.” Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

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A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, “I’m looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?” The matchmaker said, “What exactly are you looking for?” “Well, let me see. Needs to be good-looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.” The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman. The results read, “Buy a television.”

With jokes this bad, your loved one will feel better really fast… LOL! 😀