I STILL BELIEVE AS I GRIEVE

I STILL BELIEVE AS I GRIEVE

In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, And His children will have a place of refuge.  –  Proverbs 14:26

We all know there are five stages of grief:

  1. DENIAL
  2. ANGER
  3. BARGAINING
  4. DEPRESSION
  5. ACCEPTANCE

WAITING WHILE I WAIT

I can’t forget the loss.  Am I supposed to forget???  I keep asking, “What’s next, Lord?”

Here’s the deal…  about the time I’ve reached acceptance and think, “I’m gonna be okay”, something happens and I’m suffering a setback of sorts.  Maybe this is God’s way of keeping me humble.

It may not help that I’m still living in the city I grew up in, but  I really can’t imagine living anywhere else.  If I were to leave Wichita, I think I’d feel like a fish out of water for a very long while.

Yesterday I was driving to the Walmart and had a little time to kill.  I decided to drive by my childhood home.

As I slowly crept down Charles Street, so many memories came to mind, starting with the street itself.  I remembered a dirt road.  For the first three or four years of my life, our street was dirt.  Then I noticed that the barbed wire fence around our neighbor’s field was gone.  John had 3 horses in there for years.  We had an apple tree in the back yard, so the horses got to eat apples once in a while.  I enjoyed feeding them!

Mom and dad had a non-fruit bearing, flowering crab apple tree in the front yard – only it DID bear fruit – and boy was it a mess; however, along with the messy crab apples were the most beautiful dark pink flowers!  I remember my mom in the yard with a rake picking up the crab apples every year.  The raking would begin around late August or early September.  I guess that struck a chord inside.

Then I lost it – I just lost it – again!  When does that stop happening???  The floodgates opened over a memory about crab apples???  Seriously???

The answer from God seems to be, “Bloom where you’re planted”.  So, here I am!

Am I stuck, or is the enemy trying to make me feel that way?  Is it bad to bounce from one stage to the other?  Some days I do just fine, but I guess I set myself up for a relapse.  How can I ignore the house where I grew up?  I was just a few blocks from it and decided to go visit some memories.  Maybe I need to visit so I don’t forget.  Yeah, like I could ever forget…  not gonna happen.  🙂

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A COMMENTARY FROM THE HEART

TL A COMMENTARY FROM THE HEART (22)

I have had the flu for the past couple of days and have not been able to keep anything down. As God always does, He used humor to cheer me up. I asked my husband, “Do you suppose this is sort of like fasting?” You can imagine the look he gave me. I think he was about to call the men in the white jackets to come take me away.

Of course it’s not the same as fasting. Illness does not count because when you fast it is a willing act of obedience and devotion to your Lord, not a flu bug! Fasting and prayer makes the devil start taking prozac. I like that statement from Paula White!

Fasting has always been an interesting ritual for me since I’m diabetic. Many diabetics do not take part in fasting because they believe it to be too risky. I don’t judge them one way or the other. I choose to go ahead and fast, but it is between me and God. Not a big deal, and sometimes I don’t fast for a very long while, but I don’t believe it’s supposed to be some sort of contest to see who can go without nourishment the longest! It’s a spiritual act of worship, and that’s all.

There is nothing magical about fasting except it affords you more time to pray and study God’s Word. The time you would usually spend nourishing your body, you spend nourishing your soul. It’s my personal belief that God speaks more clearly and honors my sacrifice. I believe He in turn blesses my life abundantly! But it’s not a big deal and most of the time no one knows I’m in the midst of a fast. It’s a secret time between God and me (as it should be).

Some people think that a fast has to be done in a ritualistic way and that it is always about denying yourself food, but I don’t subscribe to that way of thinking. I believe God honors any sacrifice we make, on purpose, to be closer to Him. If you can’t go without food for a whole day, just fast one meal and spend the time in prayer. If you are afraid to do without food, skip your favorite T.V. show (but don’t record it – that’s not denial). Spend that time in prayer. There are many variations to a fast. It’s like Lent, really – only for a shorter time. ❤