Today was my mom’s birthday. One of her favorite people was Ruth Bell Graham. Her favorite quote was one she ran across in a Christian publication once. Apparently someone asked Mrs. Graham if she had considered divorce. This was her response:
No, I’ve never thought of divorce…but I did think of murder a few times. – Ruth Bell Graham
For my married friends… how was Valentine’s Day??? Was it all you hoped it would be, or was there something lacking? Was it new and different or business as usual? If it was less than you thought it would be, will you say something, or just let it go? I’m definitely a letitgo girl. I choose my battles very carefully and try not to sweat the small stuff. That’s okay unless there is too much small stuff – it tends to pile up after a while, ya know? Eventually something has to be said. It’s not wrong to mention things, but it’s how you do it that can cause problems.
There is a certain amount of work that goes into making a go of marriage. You don’t just get married and sit back waiting for the bliss fairy to sprinkle bliss dust all over the place! It may seem that way at first, because at the beginning of marriage, your spouse can do no wrong! He’s your knight in shining armor who has whisked you off your feet and is carrying you into some new adventure that you will plan as you go. It’s new and different; exciting and enthralling!
A few years pass and exciting becomes a little more routine and dare I say… boring. For some of you, children are added to your family. I would hazard a guess that this would be a definite “UP” moment in a marriage that is already good and strong. But after a few more years, life becomes a bit like one of my poems. Predictable. Quite. Rhythm and rhyme. But is that a bad thing?
The effort has to be made by both parties. A one-sided effort will just bring about such frustration and that can lead to a sort of buyer’s remorse at the very least. Resentment comes about when you do not see any effort being made by the one you married. The one who vowed to love, honor, cherish – no matter what.
When I was maybe six, I saw a photograph in a magazine of a young woman holding a bouquet of flowers up to a police officer who was pointing a gun at her – it was a 1970’s image from an anti-war protest. Terribly intrigued by the contradiction depicted in that photo, I asked my mother about it. She explained that the woman was trying to win over the officer with kindness. Her exact words: “Zap them back with super love.” I’ve thought of that phrase many times over the years in trying moments. I’ve never regretted zapping anyone back with super love. – Cheryl Strayed
Today I challenge you. Make the effort to communicate. Say what you want to say without fear of rejection or a lengthy lecture. Remind your mate that you are a full partner in this thing and your feelings matter. I know confrontation can be uncomfortable, but it sure beats spending the next 50 years of your life walking on proverbial eggshells.
Keep God in the middle. It will be OK. 🙂