Today is ANOTHER LOOK UNLIMITED DAY!!! We are encouraged to rummage through our possessions and either give surplus items to charity or repurpose them in other projects in order to lessen the amount of garbage in landfills. We can definitely do that with stuff – but not with the people in our lives.
Dealing with family is not so easy.
“My mom drives me crazy”, my friend vented to me one sunny summer day. As I held the phone and listened I watched the neighbors in their front yard playing with their grandchildren. Tears welled but I was holding it together.
I want her to talk with me about anything and welcome her without restriction of any kind. We talk about absolutely anything and that’s the way friendship should be. My Lord is also her Lord and our values are similar.
Have you ever prayed one of those really fast prayers before you speak – like LORD, PLEASE GIVE ME WISDOM, QUICK – ??? Well, I prayed and then I spoke:
I think your mom realizes that times have changed and that she doesn’t need to be so controlling, but it may be a struggle for her to feel as important to you as her mom was to her at your age. She may feel like you are slipping through her fingers and might be mindlessly putting you in a choke hold because she misses her little girl. When daughters grow up, mothers feel a real sense of loss and that sometimes manifests itself in some ugly ways. I don’t believe any mother deliberately pushes her daughter away. Sometimes a daughter needs to show some compassion instead of anger.
Promising to pray for both mother and daughter, I ended my little mini-lecture:
Make an attempt to put yourself in your mom’s shoes. Instead of meeting her anger with your own anger, try approaching her with a calm resolve and rise above the temptation to stoop to her level emotionally. Don’t try to talk her out of her feelings because she thinks they are justified. Just be calm and respectful toward her. Listen and sympathize whether you agree or not. It’s not about agreement, it’s about understanding. Even if the subject is YOU – she still needs to know that you will respectfully listen and honestly empathize with her. Don’t be condescending – but truly sympathize or empathize with her. Let her talk and you listen, nod and give her all the hugs she needs while she is visiting with you.
I added this P.S. in my own mind:
That’s what I would do if my mama came to call. Then I had to go cry. Yeah. 😦