In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, And His children will have a place of refuge. – Proverbs 14:26
We all know there are five stages of grief:
I can’t forget the loss. Am I supposed to forget??? I keep asking, “What’s next, Lord?”
Here’s the deal… about the time I’ve reached acceptance and think, “I’m gonna be okay”, something happens and I’m suffering a setback of sorts. Maybe this is God’s way of keeping me humble.
It may not help that I’m still living in the city I grew up in, but I really can’t imagine living anywhere else. If I were to leave Wichita, I think I’d feel like a fish out of water for a very long while.
Yesterday I was driving to the Walmart and had a little time to kill. I decided to drive by my childhood home.
As I slowly crept down Charles Street, so many memories came to mind, starting with the street itself. I remembered a dirt road. For the first three or four years of my life, our street was dirt. Then I noticed that the barbed wire fence around our neighbor’s field was gone. John had 3 horses in there for years. We had an apple tree in the back yard, so the horses got to eat apples once in a while. I enjoyed feeding them!
Mom and dad had a non-fruit bearing, flowering crab apple tree in the front yard – only it DID bear fruit – and boy was it a mess; however, along with the messy crab apples were the most beautiful dark pink flowers! I remember my mom in the yard with a rake picking up the crab apples every year. The raking would begin around late August or early September. I guess that struck a chord inside.
Then I lost it – I just lost it – again! When does that stop happening??? The floodgates opened over a memory about crab apples??? Seriously???
The answer from God seems to be, “Bloom where you’re planted”. So, here I am!
Am I stuck, or is the enemy trying to make me feel that way? Is it bad to bounce from one stage to the other? Some days I do just fine, but I guess I set myself up for a relapse. How can I ignore the house where I grew up? I was just a few blocks from it and decided to go visit some memories. Maybe I need to visit so I don’t forget. Yeah, like I could ever forget… not gonna happen. 🙂