NATIONAL TELL A JOKE DAY

TL 8-16 TELL A JOKE DAY

Today is NATIONAL TELL A JOKE DAY!!!  Here are a few of my favorites.

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.  The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”  My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord.” Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”   He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

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Remember church bulletins?  I think they have become a thing of the past since now everything is on the screen at the front of the sanctuary.  I used to enjoy perusing the bulletin for typos and bloopers!  I was an editor so it was an occupational hazard.

Here are a few bloopers I found particularly interesting…  hmm.

1) Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.
2) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
3) Thursday night–Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
4) The Lutheran men’s group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
5) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
6) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
7) The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
8) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
9) The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth With Joy.”
10) Today… Christian Youth Fellowship Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
11) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A.B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
12) The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
13) The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

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One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

And there sat our Rosie all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, “I’ll take him and him and him!”

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I know – that was a “groaner”.  I prefer to call it “An oldie but a goodie.”  Wink!  😉

 

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